Tuesday, March 31, 2015

31032015

Bismillahirahmanirrahim.....

Phew~ How's life? Getting better? Alhamdulillah. Mine so far cukup serba serbi. Tak lebih tak kurang. Still coping. Still blend in.

Apa perasaan boleh kerja after 6months menganggur? Well. It's time to pay bills and hutang piutang keliling pinggang.

Actually not really menganggur sebab untuk 4bulan tu I kerja as cikgu separuh masa. eh~ eh~ *nak jugak separuh masa* Erk best ke jadi cikgu? Well best and tak best. *later la if I got time I story morry*

So bila dah jadi mak mak ni, life pun not as easy as before.
Challenging I must say. Full of thrills. Tapi Alhamdulillah 50% of it diringankan oleh mak, bapak and Pali. Banyaknya down dari up. Sometimes I feel like I'm not a good mama. Not even close to good. *cry!* I'm trying my best to provide him everything but some how I felt like I failed. I'm sorry son.

DULU I used to tell myself that I don't want kids. I imagined my life will be miserable with babies/kids. All the hassles that I need to go through. Not even in my wildest dream that I wish for babies. DULU la. Lepas dah kahwin pun still 50-50. Nak anak pun sebab pressure from surrounding. Nak tunjuk yang I tak mandul. Not really truly from my heart. Until 1 day I realized yang I'm ready *90% ready actually*.

What I'm trying to say here is that perancangan Allah yang sangat sempurna. He gave me my precious when He knows that I'm ready, at the right time. I bersyukur that He did not answer my prayer earlier because who knows what's gonna happen if He did.

Alhamdulillah. Thank you Allah for everything.
Hadif Zhafran. Nyawa mama now. Thank you son for teaching me about life, appreciation, patience, responsibility and above all; about love.

Betul lah Ayuni cakap dulu - Dia marah when I said I xmo baby.

"Aku nak hang rasa bestnya taktau nak describe perasaan diperlukan. Hang lah hero kat mata anak. Aku nak hang ada anak. Feel it babe." - more or less ni la yang dia kata dlu.

Thanks babe. Yes, I understand now. Thank you!

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